Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize