Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
