i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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