this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
