I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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