Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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