420 ftw
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Drunk is a universal language darling
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
