you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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