She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
