Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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