I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
