I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My vagina is very pro this idea
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