I can text with my tongue
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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