There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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