i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
