i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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