He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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