I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
