Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
