So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
