never play flip cup with pint glasses
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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