like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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