We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
