How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
