Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
