there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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