its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
