She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
