You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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