I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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