he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
