You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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