God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
