i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
