he told me I talked like a deaf person
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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