Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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