i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
