Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
