it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
