Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
