The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
