Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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