I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
