I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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