...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
