He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
