Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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