He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
