i was born a porn star she said
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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