scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
