I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
