Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
