hell yes lets make some ravioli
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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