I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
