Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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