fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
