I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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