i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
