the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
