Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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