Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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