Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
