Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
