The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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