Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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