She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
