Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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