He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
