Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
