How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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