Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
