Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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