my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
