Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
