So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize