The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
