I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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