I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
