I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
