If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize