She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
