i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
