Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
