I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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