oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
